(MadameNoire) It’s not over until it’s over. As painful as some break-ups can be, walking away prematurely could cause more heartache than needs to be endured. The truth is that if love was that easy, we all wouldn’t desire it nearly as badly. Before a relationship becomes broken beyond repair, maybe you should try at least one more time for a remedy.
1. You don’t remember why you broke up in the first place.
Arguments are healthy and necessary for all relationships. You and your partner won’t agree on everything. Maybe you’re a tad bit obsessive about keeping a clean closet, but your partner feels that the floor is fine for keeping clothes organized. If your relationship is full of more pleasant than sad times, then a break-up isn’t necessarily what’s needed. Your love should be built on more than a load of laundry. Breaking up to make up may be fun for the moment, but in the long run it only weakens the bond.
2. Because all of your friends say so.
The people who know best about any relationship are those involved, but being in love with someone can transform our perception in a way that isn’t completely realistic. When you develop romantic feelings for someone, you tend to think the best about them. After investing feelings into that person, when they appear to be anything less than the vision of perfection they once were, you tend to think of them more harshly than you should. Friends have the ability to offer an objective opinion and give you some insight on not only what went wrong, but also what went went right.
3. The timing is right.
Timing is an important factor in all relationships. Maybe you meet someone and although your heart connects, your mind is still that of a single person. It’s also possible that you have other things going on (career, education, etc.) and a relationship just isn’t your priority at the time. People grow and change. If some time has passed and you are fortunate enough to reconnect with someone who was once very special to you, you may be surprised to find that you both have reached a point in your personalities and lives where a relationship doesn’t require nearly as much effort to make work.
4. Your partner didn’t immediately get a girlfriend/boyfriend after the break up.
Men and women recover entirely differently when they lose at the game of love. For the fellas, a lot of pride and ego gets involved and they usually find the nearest warm body to tell them that they are still sexy, funny, smart (you get where I’m going). So while he may seem quick to share the sheets, he is not nearly as quick to share his heart. Women typically heal after beating themselves down with over-analysis and then finding strength in their independence. If some time has passed and no one can compete with the memory of your former mate, you’re probably not ready to move on. You may even need to move a step back.
5. Your partner has changed their address, but their stuff hasn’t.
If the reason your ex’s property still resides at your address isn’t due to their laziness or disrespect, but because you can’t let go, you might want to question what you’re holding onto. Just because your ex is out of sight, doesn’t mean they are out of your mind.
6. Because infidelity isn’t the end of the world, and not always the end of your relationship.
I’m sure many would beg to disagree, but I believe couples can move past cheating and continue to build a healthy relationship. The fact is infidelity happens and as long as it is not a chronic element within the relationship, it can be overcome. It is important for couples to set boundaries in the beginning about how they define “infidelity.” While no one should settle for being an option, it’s important to understand that cheating doesn’t always indicate a lack of love or interest. Moving past infidelity is no easy task; judge the situation on what you believe works best for you.
7. You don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone.
It’s sometimes hard to appreciate your partner until you realize how much you miss out on life without him/her. Long-term relationships can grow stagnant every now and then and couples can incorrectly assume that a break-up is what’s needed, when in fact all that was needed was a change. If your life suddenly turned for the worst and the only thing that’s changed is your relationship status, it might be time to look for ways to ignite that flame instead of blowing it out.
8. You brought out the best in each other.
The great thing about love is that it shows us the ability it has to unite two people who truly empower each other. The right relationship is composed of two people who complement one another and push each other forward. Fabolous and Ne-yo said it best, “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together.” You shouldn’t hold onto a relationship in an attempt to save anyone, but if you become your best because of someone special, then seriously consider whether it’s worth throwing that relationship away.
9. You’re more miserable apart then you were together.
I get it. You’re angry, you have a point to prove and you want your ex to suffer. As natural as anger is, it’s harmful and dangerous when left unchecked. If ignoring phone calls and fighting the tears is taking so much energy that you’re left exhausted and distracted, the only point you are proving is that you’re a glutton for punishment. If you are beating your sanity up, more than your partner ever did, it’s time to grow up and come to a healthy agreement like normal adults.
10. You’re on a date with Andrew. So why do you keep calling him Anthony?
It’s possible that at this moment you truly believe you hate Anthony (your ex), but you’re not truly over the relationship if you constantly talk about your ex, whether it’s negatively or positively. The sad part is that everyone probably knows this but you. As much as your mind may be ready to let go, you’re not going to be able to do so until your heart agrees. Your subconscious is telling you something. Listen. Maybe it’s time to reunite, if not for the relationship than at least for closure.
11. Because he/she really is the one that got away.
If every relationship you have after a certain someone just seems like a settlement, then maybe it’s worth trying again at a relationship that once seemed so wrong. Maybe your expectations are unrealistic and you are seeking something that doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but what does exist is a relationship that’s perfect for you.