January 20th, 2011

Love: Reciprocity Not Included


I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know how it happened. All I know is that it happened. I fell in love. And not just any type of love either! I think I fell into the worst type of love there is. Unrequited!Different from any other type of love, unrequited love hurts the most. You love someone so much and want to be with them so bad but they, for some reason or another, can’t or don’t love you back.

Damn! This must be how God feels with some of us. I mean, His is often an unrequited love right? “For God so loved the world….” right? But where does it say that the world loves Him back?  This really sucks!

I don’t know if it makes any difference, but the object of my love also happens to be my First Love. We haven’t been in a relationship in years. To make matters even more complicated, my First Love even slept with a dear friend of mine, so why am I still IN LOVE with this person?

I’ve had other relationships since, but for some reason, every once in a while I can hear a song (the one they used to break up with me!) and think of them. Usually it’s fond memories and after all, to this day we are friends. But, then there are times, like today, when I find myself plunged into a deep pit of remorse and self loathing. Remorse for what was and what could have been. And also remorse for even feeling remorse in the first place.

What is it that enables us to love someone so much and so hard even when they don’t love us back? The only other example I can think of is the case with God and Man. I am a Christian and I believe, like I stated earlier, what John 3:16 says. And according to Christianity, humanity was created in the image and likeness of God. So is this ability to love so wholeheartedly and so passionately, without reciprocity, a Divine trait?

I believe it is! But where does our humanity step in and say “Enough is enough”? Or should we even get to that point? What do you do when you can’t seem to get over someone?

Looking back at other relationships, I find that I have stopped speaking to and caring for people who have done far less than my First Love. In one of my relationships my feelings for my First Love were the reason for so much turmoil in the relationship. What is it about this four letter word that can command such strong and sometimes irrational feelings and actions?

With Valentine’s Day being right around the corner, I guess now is a good time to talk about the power of love. Why is it so strong? What do you do to control it? Can you control it? I really don’t know!

But don’t cry for me Argentina! Like I said, I usually go through these phases of extreme depression/yearning followed by periods of sunshine and lollipops (LOL)!But I don’t want to continue on like that. How do you climb up out of the pit of love? How do you get over someone who, chances are, aren’t even thinking about you?

About the Author

Domonique Thompson
Holding degrees in Politcal Science and English from Columbia University, modeling professionally for New York Model Management, owing his own styling and event planning company (A Dream Preferred), and having been in the Boys Choir of Harlem for 15 years all qualify Domonique to give his personal view on the subjects that matter most to him: Politics, Religion, Music, Fashion, and Pop Culture



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  1. Love is a beautiful thing but can be REAL messy at times! I’m in love with someone that says they’re in love with me but they don’t wanna be in a relationship. So many lame excuses are at hand so I just have to keep it moving.

    I can say that I’ve never been in love with someone and the love wasn’t reciprocated. I just cant see myself all wrapped up by myself. It just won’t work for me. I think people who love so hard without reciprocation are just in love with the IDEA of being in love. Sometimes it’s just that they don’t love themselves. You may say, “Hey I love me” but do you really?

    You can’t control love but you can control your own emotions. You can also control how deeply involved you allow yourself to get with another person. This four letter word called love is strong and it can really do you in IF you let it.

    If you’re not a strong person whose into yourself first then you certainly won’t be able to handle real love. My advise…look for love within your own heart. Fall in love with YOU and your mate will see that love and fall in love with you.


  2. To Ms.Thompson,

    I identify with your post COMPLETELY! Your words and questions spoke right to me! I think the solution, will manifest itself. As you keep moving through life you will gain what’s necessary and shed what isn’t necessary. In the moments of despair pray for Patience to keep on moving through seamlessly.

    I disagree with the post above, I don’t think you’re in love w/the idea of being in love, simply because its not reciprocated. I do in fact think loving without receiving is a love of humility – and that can be gracious. Careful- not always graceful.

    Move through it in a graceful way. Pretend someone (God or otherwise) is Watching you respond to this circumstance – what would you want them to see? Shakespeare, prolific for his work on unrequited love, says “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”…you’re the lead in this play, think of your “first love” as a stagehand :)

    Patience & Faith,

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  4. Love is a beautiful thing but can be REAL messy at times!

  5. All that has to be telling us that love that is growing out of proportion is a dream could actually try to do something more than that. – Marla Ahlgrimm

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