THE LIFE

September 7th, 2011

The Blackbelt: Shoot Him A Dial To Reconcile?

unsure19166659

Hey Blackbelt,

A few years back, me and a close friend found ourselves falling into something deeper. Naturally, we wound up in some sort of a romantic relationship that neither of us could really handle. It didn’t end well. We were both very hurt, and we didn’t speak for years. During that time, I always wished things had gone differently. I really hoped we could be friends again. I loved him, and we should be able to talk. I recently reached out and was surprised that he responded. He even surprised me further by suggesting that we get lunch sometime. My gut tells me he won’t make the effort to make it happen, but he’s just one of those people. I’ve had the impulse to text him and follow up about it a few times but I’m very nervous. What should I do? Is the ball in my court? Is having lunch with this person even a good idea?

MG in NY

Dear MG,

The short answer

It pains The Blackbelt to not be able to provide a concrete and decisive answer when his readers face an emotional fork in the road.  But eventually, only you can decide whether to push the send button on the text that’s probably already written out in your head.

What The Blackbelt can do here is add a little clarity and perspective to help you make a decision.

Choice #1: Already bruised, little to lose

Even if we humans hung around the planet around for ~500 years instead of ~80, life would still be too short to pass up opportunities for important reconnections and reconciliations like this. It’s understandable that you would have some initial apprehensions about burying the hatchet with him. There’s a lingering cloud of emotion that blurs your decision-making process in situations where he’s involved.

But from the outside looking in, this seems to be a nice opportunity to ease your mind about a matter that has troubled you for a long time. You don’t have much to lose here. Your current relationship with him is already somewhere between non-existent and rocky, so how much damage could this really do?

Don’t forget – you’ve both already been able to at least reach out to one another! The Blackbelt thinks the potential for painful wound re-opening is low.

Choice #2: Make like Rogaine and discard the flaky

We all want to be the reason that our romantic counterparts change their ways. We want a front-row seat to the person going out of their way to act in a special manner towards you. He’s a bad texter? You want him to blow up your phone incessantly. She’s a staunch conservative? You want her to sit through a full episode of Rachel Maddow without complaining.

Your sentence about this guy being one of those people who doesn’t go out of his way to make things happen says a great deal about your attraction for him. For you, he was the shiny red bicycle in a doorless toy store with impenetrable windows.

The Blackbelt may be overreading a bit here, but consider this: If your attraction toward him was primarily the product of you wanting to achieve him – as one may gather about your uneasiness about him following through on his lunch plans – then maybe he was never the right guy for you.

It’s better to love someone for who they are than for what they symbolize in your head. Perhaps you can let the lessons you learned serve as all the reconciliation you need. You’re a better, stronger person now. March forward with a smile onto the new, brighter stages of your love life that await you.

And remember – those who don’t make time for you will never be worth your time.


About the Author

The Blackbelt
For years now, young people have turned to The Blackbelt for advice and support for their relationship questions. Known for his breadth of knowledge, soothing way with words, and genuine interest in the problems of his anonymous readers, The Blackbelt is proud to be a member of the Socialtik family, and looks forward to helping you through your difficult love-related decisions.




 
 

 
text-snoop-390x280

The Blackbelt: My Girlfriend, the Text Inspector

Hey Blackbelt, I have a problem with my girlfriend and wanted advice from someone who is not close to the situation. We have been together for over 2 years and are moving in together next week. Everything is great. Except there...
by The Blackbelt
132

 
 
37953718828

The Blackbelt: Vexed over Sex and an Ex

Dear Blackbelt, My ex boyfriend and I were together for two years.  We had normal relationship issues, but for the most part, things were great.  We even talked about our wedding.  Admittedly, I may have pushed the topic, bu...
by The Blackbelt
56

 
 
tired-man_2

The Blackbelt: Work in the Way of Play

Dear Blackbelt, I met a great guy 2 months ago, and we hit it off right away. Our first date was fantastic. He treated me like a queen – unlike my previous boyfriend of 2.5 years. Things were great for a while! He made time t...
by The Blackbelt
49

 

 
Love_is_blind1

Love (Without) First Sight

Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone without having ever met them in the flesh? Before you answer, let me tell you a few things: Back in the old days princes and princesses would become engaged without ...
by Domonique Thompson
16

 
 
old school

Old-Fashioned Dating Rules That Still Apply

  There is no question the dating rulebook has changed. Just in the last 50 years, societal events such as the feminist movement, birth control, increased lifespan, and the Internet have created new rules of engagement. Bu...
by Socialtik Mag
18

 



66 Comments


 
 

  1. UGG australia boots are the boots that are loved by women all over the world. The UGG boots are made of sheepskin. They are warm, comfortable and chic! View more on http://www.uggaustraliaboots2u.com.


  2. Venture a small fish to catch a great one.


  3. If not, make certain you browse around this website and surf the net for more as there are quite a few online retailers currently offering shoes and boots, and most of them have got most designs and sizes in stock! So if you are seeking a hot new style to take to the city, make sure you take a look at the House of Dereon shoes range!


  4. Women turn to be more ambitious.


  5. Thank you for sharing your wonderful article. This is a very interesting blog, very excited, very good.


  6. We will fall in love with a jerk, they have a lot of wild, but difficult to locate and fun.


  7. Excellent weblog, many thanks a lot for your awesome posts!


  8. Do not quite agree with your view and I hope that I will have to change!


  9. Police begin enforcing controversial Arizona immigration measure. You leave so useful information,I will share this info with my friends.


  10. Apple Maps Lose Way With IPhone App Victim to Google Feud. You leave so useful information,I will share this info with my friends.


  11. Conservative groups reaching new levels of sophistication in mobilizing voters. But I have a Desire… Just to see you new one?


  12. Globe and Mail From Golden Gate to Hollywood Sign: Endeavour stars in aerial tour around . But I have a Desire… Just to see you new one?


  13. Man Mauled After Leaping into Bronx Zoo Tiger Den. Dear author I read your article, the mood becomes happy, thank you for your selfless dedication.


  14. Libya Protests Target Militias, Forcing Flight. You leave so useful information,I will share this info with my friends.


  15. I’m looking forward to read other articles.


  16. i like your article very much.thanks for you share with us


  17. Creating different electronic mails is really a very simple endeavor using the mail program within the HTC [url=http://www.belstaffukjacketsonsale.com/]belstaff mens jackets[/url] Sexual enjoyment XE. Easily engage this pen mark inside leading suitable nook [url=http://www.belstaffukjacketsonsale.com/]belstaff jackets sale[/url] from the monitor, as [url=http://www.belstaffukjacketsonsale.com/]belstaff sale[/url] well as get into the specified recipients as well as issue series. After backing up get into the copy [url=http://www.belstaffukjacketsonsale.com/]belstaff jackets[/url] as well as add data files with a [url=http://www.belstaffukjacketsonsale.com/belstaff-gangster-mens-leather-blouson-jackets-antique-black-p-38.html]belstaff gangster blouson[/url] variety of types just like PDF FILE and also JPEGs. By simply tapping this selection shortcut on the put faitth on from the monitor you’ll be offered with the feasible ways for this mail prior to deciding to mail the item. This is when you’ll be able to pick out the emotions, adjust this goal from the mail, throw away as well as mail the item.


  18. on the New York Stock Exchang the moment sweetie bracelets are extremely favorite; they can be a example of items of fun jewelry which might be expressed by brands renowned for quality


  19. Thanks for sharing. i really appreciate it that you shared with us such informative post


  20. Good article is brought to share, see good article can always mood letting a person is cheerful, let oneself happy also to widen my view, to the thing understanding also have more understanding.


  21. Two missing hikers found alive in Montana. This’s an awesome post. Thank you for having such a great resource out here for all of us!


  22. UN Envoy Seeks Pause in Syria for Holiday. Your articles is what brought me to your blog a few years ago and I faithfully read your posts (in my email rss) and love them all.


  23. ‘Good Recovery’ Predicted for Pakistani Teen. Thanks again. Your comments are always appreciated! I will be doing a follow up to this called, “How to Write A Nice Article” in the near future.


  24. Thank you very much your article, in it for me is useful, by the way recommended


  25. Hello, how’s it going? Just shared this post with a colleague, we had a good laugh. study online programs


  26. Thank you for giving me the information provided, let me once again disintegration. Thanyou the next post birth, looking forward to…….


  27. http://www.belstaffjackets4cheap.com/ Consider the fit, when you go shopping for men’s winter coats wear a sport coat or thick sweater since on the coldest days or at work that’s what you’ll be wearing.


  28. Thank you for giving me the information provided, let me once again disintegration. Thanyou the next post birth, looking forward to……


  29. Tacho Universal is the most sold programming-device for digital speedometers worldwide csh


  30. Thank you for giving me the information provided, let me once again disintegration. Thanyou the next post birth, looking forward to MORE.


  31. Thank you for making the effort to go over this, Personally i think strongly about this and love learning more about this subject. If at all possible, while you gain expertise, can you mind upgrading your site with extra information? It’s very helpful for me personally.


  32. It’s very helpful for me personally.


  33. We absolutely love your blog and find the majority of your post’s to be exactly what I’m looking for. Would you offer guest writers to write content available for you? I wouldn’t mind composing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write in relation to here. Again, awesome web site!


  34. You might be capable to carry these types of designer totes in winter months as nicely.DEMI


  35. g forward to seeinRed Bottom Shoesg you write more articles abo


  36. Autel MaxiDAS® DS708 can do Asian, Europe and American cars csh


  37. Thank you for sharing! buyincoins, where you can buy good products from China directly without any shipping fee.


  38. 2005年にアディダスはあなたがあなたのランニングのためにそのかわいい、快適な超軽量プレミアムシューを持つ空想アディダス1Doは名前のマイクロプロセッサで世界初のインテリジェントシューズを発売?トラック上の偉大な星は、このように多くのチャンスを与えて、それがその価格を削減するために、その方法を舗装されているとして、それらの一つは、特にナイキフリーラン2は、この夏最高のオファーである機会とナイキのシリーズの靴のための右のギアを持っている必要がありますバスケットボールのダンクシュートのように、世界中の靴、今日の最高のブランドの一つを身に着けるために皆のために、ナイキの記事は、それが簡単に出席し使用するために消滅をし、それらのいくつかは、パーフェクトmeRelated ArticlesDereonプラスサイズのジーンズのために快適でトレンディClothingWaterproofジャケットを着用しては高すぎると雨季のための必須品!限られた選択に手頃PricesDueでティンバーランドBootsGet COOGIジュニア服の利点、ほとんどの人が右pairIn 1984を選択することが困難に直面して、エアフォース1の最初の生産波後、ナイキの顧客が突然彼らの認識で変更あなたの家の快適さを楽しみながら、あなたは、インターネット上で最高の靴店からオンラインで靴を購入することができます


  39. The designer to Kate Middleton, please draft (Kate Middleton) wedding dress, women’s wear daily (WWD) this big fairy shoe designer, please design the wedding shoes for her.


  40. Bleak autumn/winter season, the stars are changed into the warmth of the earth color or low-key collect inside All Black, cream-colored, khaki, brown, the color of camel’s hair.


  41. I like the way you start and then conclude your thoughts. I would also It was certainly interesting for me to read the blog. I appreciate your hard work you did on this post
    star S5


  42. Want to have a good developing this will increase your creativity in the long run. Sometimes, must strictly abide by rules may be your downfall. Again, the rules don’t bend too far
    Come on ha. Continue to work hard!


  43. Your blog writing is very unique. I want to share my friend. Let them to appreciate! I think they will like to see this article.


  44. Boutique en ligne de matériel médical pour les professionnels de la santé et les particuliers. Livraison rapide…123


 
 



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Twitter Users
Enter your personal information in the form or sign in with your Twitter account by clicking the button below.


thru 9/26 - Fall Sale. 30% Off select styles. Disc