September 16th, 2011

The Blackbelt: My Girlfriend, the Text Inspector

Hey Blackbelt,

I have a problem with my girlfriend and wanted advice from someone who is not close to the situation. We have been together for over 2 years and are moving in together next week. Everything is great. Except there is an argument that constantly comes up and always gets very heated. She believes that she should be allowed to go through my cell phone and see who/what I am talking about with my friends. My response is always that this is my personal property and I am not trying to go through her phone and see what she is up to. I feel that this is a trust issue. At the same time, I am not hiding anything from her on my phone. I just feel strongly that it is not her business to know what is in my phone. Her friends obviously feel that she is right for being allowed to go in my phone and mine feel that no way is she allowed.What do you think about this?


All right MLC,

The short answer

You’re right. If you don’t want her looking through your cell phone, you don’t have to let her. It’s your property, and no means no. But clearly, there are some major deficits of communication going on in your relationship that have led her to think she has to patrol your private communication like an NSA agent scrutinizing suspicious email exchanges.

A few words say it all

Those who seek The Blackbelt’s advice often sum up the essence of their entire paragraph-long problem with one small sentence or phrase within the question. In your case, this line could not be more clear:

“I feel that this is a trust issue.”

Look at how you put it. You stated the most critical element of the matter — that it is a trust issue — as your exclusive take! That means there is a good chance that you two have not even been able to agree on the simple fact that this is a matter of trust. Bring this up to her. Ask her what you’re doing that’s making her think she needs to go through your correspondence. The Blackbelt can’t even imagine what reasons she would cite for wanting to look at your phone outside of trust.

She has to understand that this is a matter that only concerns you and her. Neither your or her friends’ opinions matter. Tell her that you do not care if her friends think that you’re hiding something from her in your texts. The only thing that should matter to you is her trust. Look her straight in the eye, tell her to ignore her nosy friends, and assure her that she has nothing to worry about.

The framing is as important as the portrait

You will make plenty of progress with her on this issue if you are able frame your side of it properly. Don’t make it about you vs. her – make it about you two trying to work through this problem together.

Put it to her something like this: “So you have enough faith in me as a partner to share a living space with me, but not enough to let my private interactions with others remain private?” Remind her of the times when you have overcome bigger hurdles than this in the past that helped you get to where you are today as a strong couple.

Make her believe that her acceptance of your wishes (her staying our of your cell phone) would mean positive progress for the relationship. The longer she dwells on this petty issue, the harder it will be for you to continue to grow as a couple in what is probably about to become a pretty cramped NYC apartment.

About the Author

The Blackbelt
For years now, young people have turned to The Blackbelt for advice and support for their relationship questions. Known for his breadth of knowledge, soothing way with words, and genuine interest in the problems of his anonymous readers, The Blackbelt is proud to be a member of the Socialtik family, and looks forward to helping you through your difficult love-related decisions.



The Blackbelt: Shoot Him A Dial To Reconcile?

Hey Blackbelt, A few years back, me and a close friend found ourselves falling into something deeper. Naturally, we wound up in some sort of a romantic relationship that neither of us could really handle. It didn’t end we...
by The Blackbelt


The Blackbelt: Vexed over Sex and an Ex

Dear Blackbelt, My ex boyfriend and I were together for two years.  We had normal relationship issues, but for the most part, things were great.  We even talked about our wedding.  Admittedly, I may have pushed the topic, bu...
by The Blackbelt


The Blackbelt: Work in the Way of Play

Dear Blackbelt, I met a great guy 2 months ago, and we hit it off right away. Our first date was fantastic. He treated me like a queen – unlike my previous boyfriend of 2.5 years. Things were great for a while! He made time t...
by The Blackbelt



Love (Without) First Sight

Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone without having ever met them in the flesh? Before you answer, let me tell you a few things: Back in the old days princes and princesses would become engaged without ...
by Domonique Thompson


Old-Fashioned Dating Rules That Still Apply

  There is no question the dating rulebook has changed. Just in the last 50 years, societal events such as the feminist movement, birth control, increased lifespan, and the Internet have created new rules of engagement. Bu...
by Socialtik Mag




  1. Pain is always alone, regret is always preaching, don’t be sad flooded your fragile heart.

  2. Our purpose is to give what you want, and guarantee the quality of, let you satisfaction is correct.

  3. Has too many failures in life, sometimes a small failure can let a person despair, we must practice a mighty heart.

  4. When searching for a good e-book on fiscal management you must first discover the experience a higher level the certain book you are thinking about getting. Many experts target those with a specific a higher level financial thinking ability.

  5. Tourists who want to see your extraordinary stand up of Galapagos, take a trip first straight into Quito along with from generally there, you could already organize activities and also tours to the present mainland involving Ecuador. While in this area, places you must see add the Avenue in the Volcanoes – Mindo; Banos plus the city centers and also the colonial haciendas involving Quito along with Cuenca.

  6. Just lately, the Irs has built the FBAR charge enforcement actions an increased priority this also is distressing the taxpayers all over the world. There are generally few points that you can keep planned when you find yourself negotiating FBAR charges.

  7. Have the mystery along with magic involving Bora Bora starting up at $2, 599. Pacific pertaining to Less’ Bora Bora Lagoon Particular covers many methods from departure for you to arrival, leaving guests confident, simply left to focus on relaxing and enjoying themselves.

  8. the particular auto elements industry will be booming since drivers trying to cut charges are opting to fix their employed vehicles as opposed to head up to the car lot and deposit the money to get a new automobile. Stock shares for your major automobile companies, which includes Advance Automobile Parts, Auto Zoom and O’Reilly Automotive are typical at or perhaps near 52-week altitudes.

  9. There are numerous more solutions to finding low-cost deals regarding quality motel accommodation. The main point out note is do your research and ensure you won’t actually find yourself paying a lot more over the future.

  10. When comprehensive and also collision insurance coverage is selected over a policy the car is covered around the actual cash value except if otherwise explained. Some procedures are composed as explained value for instance commercial automobile policy who have vehicles which can be significantly altered from other original problem or vintage car procedures.

  11. When organizing a school fundraiser, there will be times when your efforts will become unsuccessful. There are many factors involved that made your fundraiser a failure and you need to identify this in order for your awful experience to become advantageous on your part. Always remember that learning how to do a fundraiser is a never-ending process.

  12. I have been very surprised about your post, there is reason to believe that this is great.

  13. When I first came here I find some very wonderful things, thanks for sharing.

  14. It may not seem like that on the surface, but it is really as you say,good!

  15. I am grateful for this valid information. You have represented your points in an insightful and interesting way.

  16. Velmi dobrý blog , byl rád, že hodně naučit tady , doufám, že se může často vypadat , moc děkuji !

  17. Initial, the audio system are significantly smaller in the present TVs than inside the older CRT Tv sets. The elements are generally rectangular (1inch times 3inches) with tiny displacements. Sound is manufactured by relocating a presenter element forward and backward (pushing the particular air).

  18. Thanks For The Suggestions You Have Contributed Here. Additionally, I Believe There Are A Few Factors Which Really Keep Your Motor Insurance Premium All The Way Down. One Is, To Contemplate Buying Cars And Trucks That Are From The Good Directory Of Car Insurance Corporations. Cars Which Can Be Expensive Tend To Be More At Risk Of Being Stolen. Aside From That Insurance Policies Are Also Using The Value Of Your Truck, So The More Pricey It Is, Then The Higher Your Premium You Spend.

  19. It’s deduced that the induced fluctuation does no good to the reproducing productivity.

  20. In the Catholic cathedral the athlete shouted out his wrath in the athletic oath.

  21. The destiny of the pest in chestnut is not known before reaching the destination.

  22. It is cool!your article is really Great, I like you,hope to be your friend,we all can learn many useful things

  23. Super!good acticle for me,so interested in the topic,wait for your next post, let a person feel at first sight is great

  24. Wonderful!Sincerely interest in your post,will come back soon Crazy with your article,your article is really Great

  25. The content is dependable and very helpful to me, thank you for your shares! If you want to know something relevant, browse my website

  26. I like the content very much, it give me a big surprise!If you are interested in it, wlecome to my website, the content is also very abundant.
    Welcome to browse my website, surprise, what are you waiting for?

  27. To accomplish their dreams and efforts to fight!And do our best to improve this problem

  28. This is what I want to style, have artistic conception is a new starting point philosophy of life. A good beginning makes a good start.

  29. I will definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I’m confident they will be benefited from this web site.

  30. More and more people really need to check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you aren’t more popular since you most certainly possess the gift.

  31. You need to take part in a contest for one of the highest quality websites online. I will recommend this website!

  32. You ought to take aspect inside a contest for one of several highest high quality web pages on the world wide web. I am going to very recommend this blog!

  33. See the shine at the moment, you gave us a surprise, is also helpful to people, is worth our learning.

  34. We absolutely love your writing, let a person feel at first glance is very good, also very helpful.

  35. Published in a truly reliable, hope you can continue to work hard, to release more skilled!

  36. Great piece of information. Thanks for sharing this post.

  37. What would usually had been done well could make us realize that it is also important to get to know everything we could put into good use.

  38. Her friends obviously feel that she is right for being allowed to go in my phone and mine feel that no way is she allowed.What do you think about this?

  39. I just feel strongly that it is not her business to know what is in my phone. Her friends obviously feel that she is right for being allowed to go in my phone and mine feel that no way is she allowed.What do you think about this? Floralie

  40. Something that has to be the lesson for most people who might also be having anything we could also try to come up with really good.

  41. I must appreciate the way you have expressed your feelings through your blog!

  42. I appreciate with your article writing,here its my first visit and i found a great information here.

  43. I want to say that this post is awesome, nice written.

  44. Very efficiently written information.

  45. Hey Thanks for sharing such information i really appreciate your work.
    April Fools Day 2016 pranks Ideas

  46. thanks for sharing information


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Twitter Users
Enter your personal information in the form or sign in with your Twitter account by clicking the button below.

thru 9/26 - Fall Sale. 30% Off select styles. Disc