Real recognizes real is an adage that many of us are familiar with.
No one likes to be lied to or taken advantage of and many people react with respect when given the truth. Most people don’t even want to lie, but feel they need to. The current climate on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policies, gay rights and a recent conversation with a friend about whether it’s feasible for a bisexual (or formerly bi) man to be truthful about his sexuality when dating women, all spurned the question; How Much Is Too Much Truth?
As I stated, most people don’t want to lie about their sexuality, but feel that they have to, in order to maintain the status quo. Fellow Socialtik writer, Demaris Bailey, says in a recent article that women should never “dismiss his past.” Who we are, is made up of our experiences. Can women really handle a relationship with a man that is or used to be gay/bisexual? I don’t think they can. Or at least not many could. It takes a certain level of self assuredness to do so.
In my conversation with my friend, I stated that once a man “comes out” he is forever looked at with the infamous side eye. No more can he just be “out with the boys,” every situation is given a second look. It’s so much easier for a female to be the bisexual or formerly gay one. Most of us guys would even love it if our girlfriends or wives where bisexual. Why the double standard?
This whole dilemma surpasses the male/female relationship spectrum and spills over into everyday life. From our jobs, to our military, to politics and even the music industry. Men, in particular, and women are faced with the heavy options of either maintaining a falsehood or being true to themselves.
This is no light decision as a person can be banned from the armed services because of their sexuality or their social groups. While it’s illegal, its not uncommon for corporate America to ostracize a gay/bisexual person as well.
As my friend stated during our conversation, once she finds out that a man is or was gay/bisexual, all bets are off. People often miss out on potentially great friendships, relationships and employees all because of a fear or misunderstanding of a persons sexuality.
Was Jack Nicholson’s character in A Few Good Men right when he so infamously stated,”You can’t handle the truth!”?
I’d like to think we can.
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This is a very interesting topic. Makes me wonder want needs to be done to change social norms?
Ok….”I” can handle the truth. However, most people cannot. I know lots of guys who like men AND women and they are not ashamed to tell. I just think honesty is best because you can find someone who appreciates just that. There are lots of women who are comfortable within themselves to allow a man to be with them and another man. Personally I feel that honesty allows a person to choose if they can deal with it or not.
Then there are the dangers of women that try to “convert”. That’s when the ish hits the fan so to speak. I could go on and on but I think that’s enough! : )
Great article. I have struggled with this for many years. I do eventually tell women once I can see we are getting serious. But in the beginning I keep it to myself as I don’t know if the relationship is ever going to develop into something.
Is that closeted? Yes. But closeted behavior isn’t necessarily wrong. Being bi, particularly hetero leaning bi, is really, really complicated in this society. It is ever so much easier being gay. It’s very clear. But hetero lifestyle guys, who appear straight, like hanging with the boys, can really have a rough time coming out to their friends.
A few of my very close friends know and that’s it.
I’d like to see more on this subject matter.